Friday, October 2, 2009

The Top 4 Reasons People Divorce

The Top 4 reasons people divorce. Approximately out of every marriage in the U.S., 4 or more will end in divorce. Divorce happens because, for some reason, the married couple decide that they no longer desire to be married. But how do things get to this point? What are the factors that drive people, who were presumably so much in love, to decide to leave each other for good?

Well, there are many reasons and here are some of the top ones:

Serial affairs - It's somewhat of a surprise, but typically when one partner has an affair, it does not lead to a divorce or separation It is only when a single affair escalates into a series of affairs that divorce becomes the solution. History has proven that marriage partners are extremely forgiving of dalliances outside of the marriage. In fact, in some countries, it might even be considered the norm. Continual cheating is a problem because once is a mistake, but multiple times is a pattern. No one, no matter what they say, likes to be cheated on. More than anything else, it's a violation of trust. And if marriage is about anything, it's about being able to trust your partner faithfully to do the right thing by you. Once the trust is broken, the marriage, in essence, is over - even if the couple choose not to pursue a divorce.

Lack of emotional communication - If two people are emotionally in sync with each other, it's hard to keep them apart. In fact, they don't even want to be apart. Couples like this are like two sides of the same coin, each supporting the other. Where there is a lack of communication, however, the joy fades away. The person you used to love communicating with and telling your secrets, desires, and fears to is gone. The specific cause of the emotional distance is not important, as it can have many origins. But what is important is that the sense of emotional connection somehow be restored. If not, the marriage will consist of two people living in the same space and sharing meals together, but with no real connection to each other. When one or both partners tire of living this empty existence, the separation or divorce papers can't be far behind.

Physical abuse - It's often thought that a couple who argues a lot can't possibly be happy together. But that's not true. In fact, one of the things that attracted them together may have been the spirited and passionate arguments in which they found themselves involved. No, it's not the arguments, it's the surly reaction to arguments that sometimes boil over to physical violence. We all get angry occasionally, it's part of what makes us human. But persistent and out of control anger is a recipe for disaster. It is a danger not only to the relationship, but to the health of the partner as well. And if the couple has children, it's a danger to them as well. Anyone in a marriage that involves physical abuse, if they're not thinking of divorce, probably should be.

People change - It may be unusual to hear, but some people actually do change after marriage. Maybe, before they were married they were playing a role and pretending to be someone who they really weren't. Once they're in a marriage, they can relax and become their true self. Unfortunately for the other half of the relationship, this person is not the person that they thought they married. The result, in many cases, is divorce.

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