Marriage becoming optional, study says

MANILA, Philippines - Filipinos are beginning to see marriage as an option rather than a requirement, a study showed.

International marketing communications company JWT, in a report on trends in brands and products in the Philippines for 2012, said there is a "growing acceptance of happily single mothers or single by choice professional women in their workplaces" among low- to middle-income segments.

"They loathe to publicly declare it being in a predominantly Catholic country. But it has been a long accepted reality that... women have been thinking of deferring marriage to avoid a potentially emotionally traumatizing mistake. They turn to their professional development which is something more under their control," said the report, which is based on surveys and focus group discussions of Filipinos from lower- and middle-income classes.

It added that a growing number of married women in their 30s and 40s want to experience "a few days of singlehood" with their unmarried friends, leaving the kids at home with their fathers.

The report also cited 2004 figures from the National Statistics Office, which showed that the number of Filipino marriages are declining and more marriages are being annulled. The Philippines is the only country in Asia that does not acknowledge legal divorce.

"A growing segment of women is taking an alternate life route, one that does not include marriage as an essential checkpoint," it noted.

NSO's figures in 2008 showed thatmarriage is losing its luster for many in the Philippines, with more couples starting families out of wedlock. More than 37% of the 1.78 million babies born in the country had unmarried mothers, 12.5% higher than in the previous year.

A study from the University of Missouri-Colombia last year, meanwhile, revealed that young adults are slowing the road to marriage with "stayover relationships," where they can enjoy committed relationships without living together.

Beware cheaters: Your lover's spouse can sue you

Atlanta, Georgia (CNN) -- The next time a married man or woman glances your way, you might think twice before acting on impulse and frolicking between satin sheets. The scorned spouse could sue you.

Yes, you read that right. You, the paramour, can get hit with a lawsuit that could cost you hundreds of thousands of dollars.

They're known as "alienation of affection" suits, when an "outsider" interferes in a marriage. The suits are allowed in 7 American states: Hawaii, Illinois, Mississippi, New Mexico, North Carolina, South Dakota and Utah.

The law allowing such legal action dates back to antiquated times when a wife was considered the property of a husband.

A broken-hearted hubby could go after his wife's lover -- not with a gun, but with the law. In modern times, the suits are filed for 2 reasons: money and revenge.

Juries in North Carolina have handed out awards in excess of $1 million on multiple occasions.

Likely to cheat with rich people

"If your spouse is going to cheat, you really would like them to cheat with somebody who has a lot of money," says Lee Rosen, a North Carolina divorce attorney who deals with alienation of affection cases on a daily basis.

And that's why many legal experts are paying close attention to the Tiger woods saga. Will his wife go after an alleged mistress?

Were any of his "transgressions" with someone who is married? If so, the jilted hubby might be able to go after the world's richest golfer.

It doesn't matter that Woods lives in Florida, a state where the suits aren't allowed, legal experts say. If any of Woods' professed "sins" took place in an alienation of affection state, look out.

"If he had been dating a married woman, there could be the potential for a lucrative recovery," Rosen says. "You've got to have a really affluent paramour that makes for a good target."

Settled out of court

The suits rarely make it to trial. Usually, just the threat of such a lawsuit is enough for an out-of-court settlement.

"When folks are getting divorced, the threat of having the person's new boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife dragged into court and the dirty laundry aired ... causes enormous pressure," says Matt Steffey, a law professor at Mississippi College School of Law.

The state of Mississippi has been rocked by a high-profile suit, filed this summer, involving everything from allegations of ski resort trysts to a secret journal ordered kept under seal by a judge.

Better yet, it involves a congressman who once co-sponsored legislation for President George W. Bush to declare 2008 the "National Year of the Bible."

The son of a prominent federal judge in Mississippi, Chip Pickering was the rising GOP star of the state -- hand-picked to succeed Trent Lott in the U.S. Senate. Then, everything unraveled.

Pickering decided not to run for re-election in 2008 after 12 years in the House. At the time, he said he wanted to spend more time with his family. He's married with 5 children.

Like a tale from William Faulkner, who penned many a book on Mississippi elite with personal flaws, Pickering's tumble has been staggering.

"Chip Pickering has fallen far faster than the surrender of Vicksburg," Steffey says, referring to a key turning point in the Civil War, when Confederates gave up the Mississippi River town.

The real doozy came July 14, when Leisha Pickering filed the alienation of affection suit against her husband's alleged lover, a socialite named Elizabeth Creekmore-Byrd.

"As a direct and proximate result of the negligent, wrongful and reckless misconduct and behavior of Creekmore-Byrd with Pickering," the suit says, "plaintiff has suffered damage to the affection and consortium with her husband."

Confidential

So hush-hush is the case, lawyers on both sides have reached a confidential agreement to not discuss the case publicly. The suit, in effect, has branded the once-proud congressman with a Scarlet "A."

"He had certainly fallen from the pinnacle of his professional life and his public life, but it had not yet become a public disgrace," Steffey says. "And what this lawsuit did is it turned a fall into a disgrace."

"There's a particular cast of tragedy when people are undone, not by accidental misfortune, but by their own character defects," Steffey added.

Most states have abolished alienation of affection lawsuits. Proponents in the holdout states say the threat of such legal action helps protect the sanctity of marriage.

But, Steffey and Rosen say, alienation of affection suits do just the opposite: They result in already contentious divorces getting even more heated, and they leave behind a public trail of personal shortcomings and wild tales of infidelity.

Lessons learned

"To allow these suits to go forward," Steffey says, "is destructive to family life."

"It's much like dropping a nuclear bomb on a family," Rosen says. "It really does damage the relationship between spouses. If there are children involved, it's devastating for them."

It would require legislative action for states to change the law. And anyone who tries that in a conservative state could get painted as a pro-divorce lawmaker who holds cheaters less accountable.

"It's a very delicate matter legislatively," Steffey says. And as long as the law remains on the books, Rosen says, he'll keep busy: "We have an obligation to pursue our clients' rights."

There is one way to avoid such suits: Respect marital vows.

Select media to cover Mar-Korina grand wedding

MANILA, Philippines -- The grand wedding reception for 10,000 at the Araneta Coliseum may have been cancelled but, based on the guidelines released to the media, the much-awaited wedding on Tuesday of Sen. Manuel “Mar” Roxas III and TV journalist Korina Sanchez promises to equal that of a state occasion.
In a letter sent to the Philippine Daily Inquirer, lawyer Blas James Viterbo, the senator’s chief-of-staff, said only select media organizations were invited to the event at the Sto. Domingo Church in Quezon City. And they will have to follow the strict coverage guidelines.
“Due to limited space, only photographers and news crew from selected publications and news services have been sent this invitation,” Viterbo said.
“Furthermore, there would be designated positions for photographers. Lots would be drawn as to their assigned position at the time they get their passes,” he added.
A media advisory attached to Vierbo’s letter said that the coverage would be a “pool operation” so “photographers are encouraged to share materials with each other.”
“Pool” coverages are usually reserved for big time events when reporters or photographers share their material because not everyone can be accommodated due to space constraints or the formal setting of these coverages.
This usually happens during presidential trips abroad, like a visit to the White House. Photographers are assigned areas from where they can take pictures -- and are not allowed to loiter -- while on some occasions, only one reporter is allowed to ask questions.
“Lots will be drawn in the registration area to determine the assigned position of the photographers,” the advisory said.
“Reporters and photographers will be ushered to their respective positions inside the church, from the registration booths,” it added.
The advisory also mentions a strict dress code for the wedding, which is expected to draw the crème dela crème of Philippine high society.
“Covering media are strictly advised to wear Filipiniana attire,” the advisory said.
“All media covering are advised to be present not later than 2 p.m. Church doors will be closed at exactly 3 p.m.,” it added.

The Top 4 Reasons People Divorce

The Top 4 reasons people divorce. Approximately out of every marriage in the U.S., 4 or more will end in divorce. Divorce happens because, for some reason, the married couple decide that they no longer desire to be married. But how do things get to this point? What are the factors that drive people, who were presumably so much in love, to decide to leave each other for good?

Well, there are many reasons and here are some of the top ones:

Serial affairs - It's somewhat of a surprise, but typically when one partner has an affair, it does not lead to a divorce or separation It is only when a single affair escalates into a series of affairs that divorce becomes the solution. History has proven that marriage partners are extremely forgiving of dalliances outside of the marriage. In fact, in some countries, it might even be considered the norm. Continual cheating is a problem because once is a mistake, but multiple times is a pattern. No one, no matter what they say, likes to be cheated on. More than anything else, it's a violation of trust. And if marriage is about anything, it's about being able to trust your partner faithfully to do the right thing by you. Once the trust is broken, the marriage, in essence, is over - even if the couple choose not to pursue a divorce.

Lack of emotional communication - If two people are emotionally in sync with each other, it's hard to keep them apart. In fact, they don't even want to be apart. Couples like this are like two sides of the same coin, each supporting the other. Where there is a lack of communication, however, the joy fades away. The person you used to love communicating with and telling your secrets, desires, and fears to is gone. The specific cause of the emotional distance is not important, as it can have many origins. But what is important is that the sense of emotional connection somehow be restored. If not, the marriage will consist of two people living in the same space and sharing meals together, but with no real connection to each other. When one or both partners tire of living this empty existence, the separation or divorce papers can't be far behind.

Physical abuse - It's often thought that a couple who argues a lot can't possibly be happy together. But that's not true. In fact, one of the things that attracted them together may have been the spirited and passionate arguments in which they found themselves involved. No, it's not the arguments, it's the surly reaction to arguments that sometimes boil over to physical violence. We all get angry occasionally, it's part of what makes us human. But persistent and out of control anger is a recipe for disaster. It is a danger not only to the relationship, but to the health of the partner as well. And if the couple has children, it's a danger to them as well. Anyone in a marriage that involves physical abuse, if they're not thinking of divorce, probably should be.

People change - It may be unusual to hear, but some people actually do change after marriage. Maybe, before they were married they were playing a role and pretending to be someone who they really weren't. Once they're in a marriage, they can relax and become their true self. Unfortunately for the other half of the relationship, this person is not the person that they thought they married. The result, in many cases, is divorce.

Ruffa Gutierrez files custody case in QC court

MANILA, Philippines - Actress and former beauty queen Ruffa Gutierrez-Bektas has asked the Quezon City Regional Trial Court to award to her the custody of her two minor daughters.

Gutierrez-Bektas, whose real name is Sharmaine Gutierrez, filed a petition for custody in which the defendant is her estranged husband, Turkish businessman Yilmaz Bektas.

The case docketed as Civil Case No. Q-09-64795 is now assigned at the sala of QCRTC Branch 107 Presiding Judge Jose Bautista, Jr.

The contents of the petition, however, were not revealed since the case falls under the jurisdiction of a family court.

But it was learned from the sala of Judge Bautista that summon has already been sent to Bektas in his address in Istanbul, Turkey informing him of the petition filed against him.

It was also learned that the court would still determine if the case is under its jurisdiction or whether it is not dismissible before it would schedule a hearing.

The estranged couple got married in The Fort, Taguig on March 25, 2003. They had two daughters ages Lorin, 5 and Venice 4.

But on May 8, 2007, the couple announced their mutual decision to end their four-year marriage. Ruffa returned to the country with her two daughters on tow.

Several reports disclosed that the actress is already ready to file an annulment of their marriage but up to this time, no petition for annulment has yet been filed.